Then & Now

The emptiness which I feel upon waking
is mine as well as it is yours
but you will never feel it as I do
nor suffer it exactly the same way
because for you it is an element of creation
a space filling the space of your lacking
exposed in the breaking light of day.

The sorrow which I know in my heart
is mine as well as it is yours
but you will never know it as I have
nor understand it in a similar form
because for you it is a faint sense of loss
regret spun on regret for the wrong things
and silenced as soon as it is born.

The hate which I kindle in my being
is mine as well as it is yours
but you will never control it as I can
nor embrace it as I do so now
because for you it is an element of substitution
a misuse of a useless emotion
that poisons as only it knows how.

The blood which I have on my hands
is mine as well as it is yours
but you will never carry it as I must
nor mourn it as I have for so long
because for me it is a stain of injustice
of innocence killing innocence, unblinking
and the desolation of an unfinished song.

- 20 March, 2007
Granada, Spain


I scribbled these words on a napkin in an obscure little cafe between lectures less than a year ago. Reading back on them, I find it hard to believe that they're my own, that the way I felt then could contrast so vividly with the state of mind I find myself in now. It's funny where just a few short months can take you, how the passing of time can erase and create so much simultaneously. Nothing remains the same forever, and it's the transition between stages which somehow makes life so beautiful. Perhaps, in the end, that's the true lesson of it all.